It was a sunny day in mid-May. I had gotten up early and was feeling restless.
I cleared the drying rack, washed the dishes, and worked on repotting some plants and mixing soil for the balcony garden.
Ian and I chatted with his parents on FaceTime.
Then it was high tide, around 11ish in the morning.
Ian, sensing my restlessness, suggested we go for a paddle to the lagoon mangroves out back, and I immediately brightened up.
We would normally go to the beach in the front, but the trade winds were blowing extra strong which would make paddling with momentum nearly impossible. Besides, we hadn’t hung out in the mangroves in a long time.
I was getting hungry—we hadn’t eaten anything all morning—and started making an egg omelette (or a disheveled scramble, really) with onions, cheese, turkey sausage, and mushrooms. We packed the omelette in containers with a wooden spork, tobasco hot sauce, a bag of chips, a bowl of homemade hummus, a flask of juice and rum, and another flask with water. And we were ready to go.
Ian grabbed our stand up paddleboards from the rack behind the house while I lathered up in sunblock and changed into a bikini and lavalava and we got our boards in the water.
We saddled our boards next to each other to share our brunch picnic, then explored the maze-like mangroves, watching birds and laying on our backs to look up at the sky.
It felt good to get out of my routine and do something different.
When we paddled back home, I thought to myself: how lucky am I to live in such a beautiful place, have this sweet hunk of a man as my husband, and to be able to feel so free outside?! I truly am…
Here’s a reel I put together from that little morning adventure.
I was going through my website’s back end, and decided it was time to do a little digital decluttering.
It was a mess back there!
I updated the plugins, removed the various notices at the top of my dashboard, got rid of themes, widgets, and plugins I rarely use, and was in the middle of deleting “empty” posts from my posts’ draft folder — when I found this post (below) containing this gallery I had uploaded off my iPhone so I could queue it up for a Plastic Free July update. This was last year July… 2020.
I clearly lost track of time… it was 2020 after all… and forgot about this draft.
Looking back though, it brings back some good memories. Enjoying COVID lockdown life (I had been home in American Samoa for five months straight at this point) doing productive little things around the house and still getting out often enough to feel like the sun shone bright just for me. How adorable is that?!
Now, a year later in 2021 (or as I saw on a meme, it’s pronounced “2020-won”), I feel a little less bright. It’s hot as heck outside and I think a delayed fatigue has settled in. I really want to spice things up but I’m not sure how. What I really need is to book a vacation off island ASAP… once the borders open up. The government says maybe August or September. I’ve just sent my passport renewal application off so I’m at the ready to pack my unused Cotopaxi travel bag and get on a plane to another pin on the map.
To be honest, I’ve been struggling because it feels like there isn’t really anything to look forward to. I know that there is, and I’m trying to keep a positive attitude, but it’s been hard some days.
These little photo diaries remind me though that there are still bright spots (sunsets and rainbows) to look forward to in my daily life. Plastic Free July is around the corner and I’m excited to attempt more sustainable swaps to adapt in my life.
I haven’t been feeling super creative lately, but I think this digital declutter is a nice way to revive old trains of thought and make room for new ideas.
Now that I’m moderately older—nearly 30, wow—I can see it more clearly.
The small things that add up. The parts of me that look and feel familiar.
From mom: my hands, my sensitivity.
From my dad: my nose, my stubbornness.
Traits I have previously dismissed because I just didn’t see it, but now I can’t deny it.
These parts of me, and many more, cultivated over time by my genetics, shared DNA, even the learned behavioral antics.
More recently, I’ve been pondering on the attributes I see in my parents that make them who they are, and how these are reflected in my own mannerisms, thought process, attitude, and personality.
Come to think of it, I wonder what traits my parents saw in themselves from their parents… I’ll have to ask them.
Like so many others, I realized that my parents were far from perfect during my formative years.
There were times when they’d make me feel like anything was possible… when they took me traveling, or when they taught me a new skill.
But there were also times when I dreaded even communicating honestly with my parents… with their outdated beliefs and their silent treatments, and I wished to be nothing like them.
And as if through a looking glass, I wonder if what I see in them will be what becomes of me in the next five, ten, or twenty years when I go through my own iterations of the same chapters of life.
I think that I’ll ultimately have to decide for myself who I want to be as I continue to grow and learn who I am.
While I’m growing more certain of the power I have over my own choices, I’m definitely influenced by them — this is really where I get it from — I am my own version of my mom and dad.
It’s been a verrrry long while since I’ve sat down to ramble and write out my life lately updates, so I don’t really know where to begin! I’ve shared photo diaries scattered here and there over the last several months, but the transition from 2020 to 2021 has been just strange for me. I feel a very delayed fatigue coming on, and I’m trying to kick that by focusing on myself again. I need to do less scrolling, less routine, less overthinking, less daydreaming, and more going outside, more basking in the morning and evening light, more journaling, more photography, just… more of the stuff that makes me happy…
Anyway, here are a few updates to note from my life lately…
Upgraded my laptop
I got the new MacBook Pro 13″ M1 as a gift to myself for my 29th birthday. I’ve been contemplating this upgrade for a long while, and also considered getting an iPad Pro too, but alas, my budget is already tight and I’m on my laptop almost every single day, so I found it to be a worthy investment. Not exactly the most exciting life update, but I think this will allow me to make my work flow more efficient, and I’m planning to compile some captured life moments through videos too (my old laptop could not hold up with the slow processor).
Married Life and Wedding Plans
As most people know by now, I officially married the man of my dreams in November 2020. It was a beautiful and intimate “minimony” attended only by a very few friends on island, my parents, and our family and wedding parties on Zoom. We kept it super low-key because we planned to still have our big wedding celebration, which is once again getting postponed to next year. Third time’s a charm, right?!
People have been asking me, “how’s married life?” And my honest answer is that it’s really great actually! I feel very lucky to have found my soulmate and lover in one person, who is now my husband. Ooooh husband — that word… During the first couple months, calling him my husband felt strange and formal. I had just gotten used to calling my my fiancé… or my ex-boyfriend… and suddenly (not suddenly) he became my husband, and the jargon felt both familiar and unfamiliar. I savored every mention of the word; I rolled it over my tongue like wine. Now, the word husband falls from my lips like honey, dripping sweet and golden. It warms me to call him my husband.
We’ve been together for nearly seven years now. We’ve grown up since then, and grown closer each year with patience, understanding, and lots of laughter and communication. We’ve definitely argued through some of the last seven years, but we always get through it together. Our relationship isn’t perfect, but it’s full of love and trust, and that’s all I ever really wanted.
a baby, maybe?
Let me preface by saying, I’m not pregnant… yet! Not indulging in too many details on this because it still feels a little weird for me to share these big life decisions online. I do tend to keep these things private, and I’d hate to jinx myself! Not that I’m superstitious or anything… but part of me also doesn’t even know what to expect. I’m just simply excited for my husband and I to be on this next level together, planning for our future. I’ve always wanted to be a momma… actually, I’ve always wanted to be a grandma, but first things first (lol). It feels very grown up to be here, but it’s exciting and we’ll see what happens!
Other than these bigger updates, I don’t have much else to report… I’ve been taking things one day at a time, living life the best I can: enjoying sun-filled snorkels, rainy day reflections, spurts of creative flow, and tidying up my home as I go. More photo journals to come!
I’ve missed the feeling of traveling… having a new destination to go to, and taking the scenic route.
That’s why I asked my husband (yes ya’ll, he’s my huzzzzband now!!) if we could go on a little staycation adventure as our pre-Valentine’s Day date, to which I’m so grateful that he is pretty much always down to do with me. I just really wanted to sate my travel wanderlust.
We packed our day bags with our essentials and grabbed our hats and sunglasses for a mini travel-vibey-beach-date. We walked out of our village to the main road and caught an aiga bus to Fatumafuti beach. I thoroughly enjoyed the short bus ride — it has been way too long since I sat in these wooden seats thumping to the bass-heavy speakers blaring island jams, shared my seat if the bus got too full, had my hair whip around all over the place from the open-air windows… it always feels so nostalgic.
I’ve surprisingly not hung out at Fatumafuti beach in so long, since the beach in front of my house is so accessible and perfect for snorkeling. Fatumafuti is definitely one of the island’s most recognized icons, so it was nice to travel the scenic route to get to the idyllic spot. Ian and I laid out our picnic blanket, and I hunkered down with a book while Ian jumped into the receding mid-tide for a snorkel.
We blissfully lazed, read, picnicked, and took photos for the next four hours until Ian started to get a little sunburn. For most of the time we were there, we had the entire beach to ourselves. Later, a couple of small families showed up to go cast net fishing, or to have a snack on the beach while the kids played; and we were evenly spaced out far away from each other, but it nice to see people hanging out and soaking in the beautiful weather we had that day. We knew the buses wouldn’t be as frequent later on as evening neared, so we packed our beach picnic supplies and books, caught a bus, and walked home.
It was soooo nice to feel like we were traveling again. Ian and I held hands — we’ve been practicing twiddling our thumbs for when we grow old together and are sitting in the backyard having a glass of wine and being goofy — and had really good easy conversations. I always feel so grateful to create these experiences with my forever person.
Well HELLO to anyone visiting my corner of the interwebs!
It’s been a hot hot minute since I’ve gotten a chance to catch up with you online and share some of my recent photos. Time often seems to escape me, as per usual.
I’m up late again, listening to lofi love jams, sipping on an old pasta jar filled with good ol’ delicious water, and simply cruising the internet. I don’t want to think too hard about what to post because I’ve been doing that every day this week and look how that turned out — I ended up never posting anything because it feels like too much of a time commitment to get all my photos organized and uploaded, and a thoughtful post written out. I do have a ton of wonderful photo journals I want to share from my recent trip to Ofu, Manu’a though, so do look out for those to come!
I looked over at my traveler’s notebook journal laying open with a spread full of various to-do lists for the upcoming days. I try not to think about the growing list and take another sip of water. I’m actually in between editing photos of some photo canvases I had printed and hope to sell at the Pacific Roots Open Mic Showcase event this weekend, and toggling way too many Chrome tabs for wedding planning inspo…
Yup, it’s that season again. Time for me to start thinking about what the heck is going on with our betrothals. As bummed as I was that we had to postpone our wedding, I like that I have another opportunity to get excited about my wedding, albeit with caveats to accommodate the uncertainty of basically the entire world right now. It’s a crazy time we live in… strike that, it’s a dicey time we live in! Sorry about that; I’m trying to cut the word “crazy” from my language when referring to situations or current events by using language that is more accurately descriptive of what I’m referring to and does not refer to a deranged mental state, given the mental health crisis we are facing around the world and even in American Samoa. Anyway, I digress.
Something new and exciting that I do want to mention briefly here is that I got my illustrated stickers in the mail! Many many thanks to Polly for forwarding the package to me since the price of shipping directly from the manufacturer to American Samoa was exorbitant. I haven’t taken any photos or really done anything with the stickers yet except label them. I have that feeling like when you get a brand new notebook and you’re too intimidated by the blank page, and you want to keep it new but you want to use it… y’know what I’m saying? Maybe not, but it’s an exciting feeling and I am going to try to break the pack in by sticking some on my new reusable water bottle or on my phone. I want to sell them here on my website too, so gotta take photos of them soon and hope to open up shop like I’ve been dreaming of for quite a while.
Well clearly, it’s late here. I find myself getting more and more tangential as I type on in the wee hours of the night.
If you’re still reading, wow, thank you for being here. Feel free to visit more often, or send me a quick note in the comments because I would honestly love that so much. Blogging is so different than other social media platforms like facebook, instagram, or twitter. I love getting on here and just feeling at home on my own website, just minding my own business… but it’s also nice to get some interaction once in a while. Again, more blah blah blah from me… thank you for stopping by. Have a wonderful day wherever you are.
Also, no photo journal here (I’m unfortunately past my capacity right now), but here are a few photos I snapped a couple months ago at Fagatele Bay while I was filming for our Get Into Your Sanctuary video campaign. Enjoy.
“hug hug, kiss kiss, hug hug, big kiss, little hug, kiss kiss, little kiss”